Wishful thinking

Exam's over!

Haha guess I've not been consistent enough this semester in terms of studies.
Busy doing this, finishing that, slacking here, lazying there.
But honestly speaking, I don't regret going through this semester.
Have learnt that life is not just about studies.
There's much more to life than being the top student or whatever it is.
And so, there goes. No more super high expectations.
As long as I feel that I've done my best, that's it.
No more comparing with my oh-so-keng friends.

Seriously, I've been through a lot of stuff this sem.
Stuff as in activities, fellowships and even emotional roller coasters.

This sem,

I had a hectic workload as the secretary of OCF, while taking the role of a worship leader, musician and a Bible Study leader (never regretted being involved though, since I learnt alot *serving the Lord with gladness* =p)

Kind of bogged down with more group assignments too, with lots of inefficient group meetings (especially INFS, which can obviously be done more effectively)

Met more new friends, which I've kept close in my heart. Getting-to-know people has been really a fun and fulfilling experience.

Went through quite a fluctuation of emotions, namely when I actually had an outburst of a pretty severe skin problem, also when I discovered some of my friends' true colours. Felt left out, betrayed, despised upon, discriminated, taken advantage of, and sometimes even, annoyed, irritated and disgusted by their behaviour.

Had to admit that I'd been through a period of anxiety and bitterness, even seclusion, especially after I learnt about my cousin wife's demise. Life is short.

However, that's the past. Indeed, I've learnt alot from this semester.

Lesson 1: Don't care what people say about me. No use pleasing others.
Lesson 2: Be joyful always. Be myself.
Lesson 3: I can't change others. But I can change the way I think about them.
Lesson 4: Live my life to the fullest, while I can.
Lesson 5: When there's no one else for me, Jesus is there, always.
Lesson 6: All things happen for a purpose, and God can turn it for good.
Lesson 7: Put God above all things, and everything will fall into place =)

Lots more lessons learnt, but these are the major ones.

Haha now gotta plan of how I'm gonna spend the remaining 12 days in Sydney, and the other 3 months in Malaysia. WISELY.
(which excludes rotting at home)

p/s: Don't think I'll be a regular blogger from now on. But if I change my mind, then I'll be back~

Keep holding on

Back to shades of grey.

Maybe some may not realised, but I've been mourning for the demise of my cousin's wife.
It's been a week of isolation, seclusion and despair.
But just as my mourning period was over, I received another shocking news.
One of my close friend's grandfather, who had been frail in his physical condition for the last few months, passed away yesterday *if I understand correctly*.

Real tragic.

My friends blamed themselves for being the worst friends in the world, for being the last few to know about it. I'm one of the last few too.
But I'm aware of this:
"What's important is not being the first to know, but what are we doing about what we know"

And Pei Jin, this song is dedicated for you and your family.

You're not alone
Together we stand
I'll be by your side, you know I'll take your hand
When it gets cold
And it feels like the end
There's no place to go
You know I won't give in
No I won't give in

Keep holding on
'Cause you know we'll make it through, we'll make it through
Just stay strong
'Cause you know I'm here for you, I'm here for you
There's nothing you could say
Nothing you could do
There's no other way when it comes to the truth
So keep holding on
'Cause you know we'll make it through, we'll make it through

So far away
I wish you were here
Before it's too late, this could all disappear
Before the doors close
And it comes to an end
With you by my side I will fight and defend
I'll fight and defend
Yeah, yeah

Hear me when I say, when I say I believe
Nothing's gonna change, nothing's gonna change destiny
Whatever's meant to be will work out perfectly
Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah

The perfect blend

Bliss and grief.

I'm still engulfed by these 2 extremely contradicting emotions.

Factors contributing to my bliss:

1. Got to be in Gold Coast with my friends from Sydney, Melbourne and Brisbane! Really had a great time, although I only got to go to the theme parks, which were already so much fun!! Enjoyed the roller coasters, the nature's indescribable beauty, the wetness, the looooong bus trips.

Thanks for the plannings, the company, the joy and the laughters we had. Appreciate it lots =)

2. Went for an OCF committee getaway at Lake Hut, Jervis Bay. Had an awesome time ber-bonding with the new committee members, ber-kayaking, ber-food fighting, ber-blowhole-ing, playing in the rain and all the other nonsense ^^

Thanks for letting me know you guys sooooo much better~

3. Am counting days to be back home! Malaysia's still the best, no matter what. AM missing my family, food, house, shoppings, friends, and my bed!!!

=bergolek-golek=

Factors contributing to my grief:

1. I despise my recent exam results. Not as good as last sem. Actually, not good at all. Urgghh...
Unsure whether I can gain the required momentum to reach for the skies in my finals ><

God, help me to be consistent. Don't let me slack off, please.

2. Spent a LOT during my spring break. Gold Coast, Jervis Bay, unanticipated travelling costs, excessive internet bills, and rent! Sudah pokai T.T

Lord, you're still my God who provides.

3. My cousin's wife just passed away last two days due to severe heart problems after her second child. I'm really close to them. She's just in her early 20s. I still remember her thanking me for singing in their wedding dinner, with her sweet smile. Rest in peace, Julie.

God, comfort her family I pray. Let them know that You're still there for them.

And there goes the mixture.
The perfect blend.

p/s: Now, my smile may be filled with melancholy =)

Wink-y weeks

Wow.. Looks like 9 weeks of this semester have passed by.
With a few winks, they're no more.

Guess I need to restore the active-ness of my blog.
Not that I've nothing to say during that "silent" time span.
It's just that, things have been happening too fast.
Am still recollecting stuff, since there're heaps to remember.

Let's see, what's going on this semester?
1. Problems with housemates (will take hours to describe this): Check
2. Unexpected promotion and involvement in OCF and church: Check
3. Assignments, exams, and more assignments: Check
4. Irritating skin problems: Check
5. Meeting more new people (Aussies per se): Check
6. Joined Triple Lin as an executive member lol: Check
7. Going Gold Coast and Lake Hut during spring break: Check

Hmm.. Anything else?

=can't wait to go back Malaysia=
are we going to France this year end? *a sense of thrill*

The fall of patriotism

Where's the spirit?

It's a couple of hours more before Malaysia's Independence Day.
Her soon-to-be 52nd birthday, and I'm just not pumped up about it.

Maybe 'cause my INFS exam is tommorow as well.
Maybe 'cause I'm not physically in Malaysia today.
Maybe 'cause my zestfulness is dampened by her dramatic politics.
Or maybe, just maybe...
I've lost my patriotism.


I could still remember,

the moments I recited national poems in high school

the moments I intensely preached about patriotism in public

the moments I joined my friends, exclaiming MERDEKA!!!

the moments I sang the national anthem

the moments I waved the Jalur Gemilang flag


Then again,

Where's the spirit?

The fragility of friendship

"Wherever I go, I get to know a new friend.
A new friend who then becomes a close friend.
After a while, I moved on.
My new friend who has become my close friend moved on too.
I found another new friend.
A friend who then became a close friend.
Stepped into another phase of life,
my friend is no longer a close friend,
as both found our new circle of friends.
And the journey continues.
People always comment that friends come and go.
Never everlasting. It can be broken and never be mended.
It can be seperated and never found.
It can be lost but can be found again.
......I used to think I have best friends...
but now...
it doesn't seem to appear that way to me anymore.
maybe one, maybe two...
maybe none..."

My sister's recent post struck me deeply.
Could I relate to this? With 100% certainty.
And suddenly,
I realised how fragile a friendship can be.

Solace

Have been busy this few weeks.
Find it really hard to make time for blogging anymore.
Felt drained out, as though my spirit is catching up with me.
Wondering if I'm still fully aware of what I'm doing.
Too caught up, with almost zero energy left.

I need rest.
I need strength.
Let me find solace in You.
"...All I want, is I find rest in You..."

p/s: Came across a wedding ceremony at St Mary's cathedral recently. Some pictures to share:

the grandeur of a cathedral

exquisitely flawless for a wedding's happy ending

the thrill of witnessing two lovers bound in holy matrimony

=Peace, never forsake me=